believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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