Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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