You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
