No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
