When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
