some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
