Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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