your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
