The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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