She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
