Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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