She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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