I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize