Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
