my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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