So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
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make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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