im about as happy as oj after his trial
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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