So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad