WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.