i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n