This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
