I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables