Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!

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  (646): Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it! http://tfl.nu/tttx
  Replies (2) Good night (928) Bad night (569)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell

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  (704): When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell http://tfl.nu/rk2d
  Replies (9) Good night (3335) Bad night (671)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.

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  (870): These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American. http://tfl.nu/c8e4
  Replies (15) Good night (4028) Bad night (622)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT

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  (432): My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT http://tfl.nu/ckt8
  Replies (93) Good night (7507) Bad night (1645)
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  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

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  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9456) Bad night (2039)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition

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  (610): i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition http://tfl.nu/g0ip
  Replies (14) Good night (847) Bad night (5017)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.

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  (774): and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date. http://tfl.nu/kedp
  Replies (15) Good night (3270) Bad night (838)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.

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  (305): Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her. http://tfl.nu/ismz
  Replies (19) Good night (2156) Bad night (567)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Can I have him when you're done?

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  (903): He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding (541): Can I have him when you're done? http://tfl.nu/4y2y
  Replies (14) Good night (3841) Bad night (822)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.

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  (601): Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers. http://tfl.nu/38v9
  Replies (9) Good night (1627) Bad night (516)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.

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  (205): I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work. http://tfl.nu/jnr2
  Replies (8) Good night (1158) Bad night (394)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.

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  (+44): I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'. http://tfl.nu/incy
  Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!

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  (501): When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out! http://tfl.nu/jsom
  Replies (2) Good night (491) Bad night (290)
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  (315): View more from New York

  so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink

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  (315): so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink http://tfl.nu/z7su
  Replies (2) Good night (613) Bad night (303)
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  (559): View more from California

  Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.

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  (559): Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle. http://tfl.nu/b5en
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (223)

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