This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
