I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
