i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
