four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
