everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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