i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I CAN MOONWALK!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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