I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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