why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
