Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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