Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
