Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
