you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His nipple licking is glorious
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