i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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