Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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