Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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