im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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