Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
