i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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