p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
