what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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