How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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