My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
