I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
