So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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