it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
