i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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