He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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