she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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