You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
