I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
