Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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