I haven't been this sober since birth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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