i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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