I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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