I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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