i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
