ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
