he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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