just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
