One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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