just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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