I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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