Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When are your genitals available?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
