The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
only if we run a train.
done.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
