Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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