this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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